So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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