I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Randomize