he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My feet surprised me
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