dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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