Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
