And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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