I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
