well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
