so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
