At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
