I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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