Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
