I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
