you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
