I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
