literally had 100 drinks last night.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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