im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
