apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
