mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
