mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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