I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
