Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
