Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
