I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
