my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
