My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
