Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
