It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
