I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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