Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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