i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
