her facebook's as public as her vagina
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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