My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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