Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
