So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize