VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
