So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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