Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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