your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
