I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
