i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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