You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
