Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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