she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
