We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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