His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
