I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
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while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
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you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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