Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
