I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
