My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
