escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
