they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
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