her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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