I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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