the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
