The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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