babies were throwing up all over the place
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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