I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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