someone threw a dead crab at me
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
