Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
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Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
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We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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