So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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