Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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